Friday, September 12, 2014

Frankenstein's Monster in 311 Words

Meet "bernie."

Bernie is a top 500 reviewer.  He's been at it for a very long time -- longer than Harriet, even!  His first review was posted in May of 1999.

Bernie has developed a bad habit.  He likes to post the SAME REVIEW dozens -- or even hundreds -- of times.

Why, on July 24 and 25 of this year, he posted at least 68 reviews of A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs.  The exact same 146 words, over and over again.  On EVERY edition -- illustrated editions, annotated editions, even a CD-ROM.  Now HOW can those 146 words apply equally to ALL VERSIONS of this product?  Hmmm?  Oh wait, THEY CAN'T.  Some of our favorite quotes:

  • "Written in 1912 this book is well written for its time..."
  • "It is a tail worth reading..."
  • "This is a part is a series by the writer that brought us 'Tarzan.'"

Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.  And NOT HELPFUL.

We also have:

  • 18 reviews of 84, Charing Cross Road by Helene Hanff (not all the same this time, though -- there seem to be a long version and a short version)
  • 19 reviews of Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne (mostly 242 words)
  • 23 identical reviews of George Orwell's Animal Farm
  • 35 nearly-identical reviews of Ann Veronica by H.G. Wells
  • 31 reviews of Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
  • 27 identical reviews of Busman's Honeymoon by Dorothy L. Sayers
  • 18 identical reviews of Dinosaur in a Haystack by Stephen Jay Gould
  • 33 325-word masterpieces of Bram Stoker's Dracula
  • 66 identical reviews of Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
  • 63 reviews of King Solomon's Mines by H. Rider Haggard (there seem to be two versions of this one)
  • 43 reviews of On the Beach by Nevil Shute
  • 46 reviews of Samuel Taylor Coleridge's The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (including audio, paperback, hardcover, and Kindle editions -- ALL OF THEM get the same 179 words)
  • 20 reviews of Science and Sanity by Alfred Korzybski
  • 29 reviews of The Duchess of Malfi by John Webster
  • 28 reviews (or more) of The Dunwich Horror by H.P. Lovecraft
  • 42 reviews of The Gods of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs
  • 27 reviews of The Jewel of Seven Stars by Bram Stoker
  • 29 reviews of The Odessa File by Frederick Forsyth
  • 21 82-word wonders on The Professor and the Madman by Simon Winchester
  • 35 reviews of The Razor's Edge by W. Somerset Maugham
  • 21 reviews of The Time Machine by H.G. Wells (most around 205 words although there's at least one other version)
  • 39 reviews of The Warlord of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs
  • 21 reviews of Warrant for X by Philip MacDonald

And that's NOT EVEN ALL of the repeats.  The sad thing is, most of these so-called "reviews" don't even have votes.  We wonder why bernie is WASTING SO MUCH TIME?

As for the title of this post, well, there WERE 71 identical, 311-word "reviews" of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, although Ammy (rightly) saw fit to delete those (and don't get us started on the 200+ "reviews" of The Iliad that Ammy zapped last week -- although we see that 44 of THOSE WONDERS remain -- most at around 1372 words).

And now to clear our browsing history so Amazon doesn't recommend 71 versions of Frankenstein to US.  (One is more than sufficient, thanks.  And we won't be taking bernie's opinion into consideration when choosing an edition, either.)

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Paging Dr. Oceanfront

Karma Police noticed that Ammy got a new top 10 reviewer the other day.  Congratulations, Dr. Oceanfront.  There's nothing suspicious about your rise through the ranks at all!  Oh no!  Why, just look at the other top 10 reviewers.  Most of them have been at it for years.  But you!  You caught the REVIEWING BUG in late 2013.  And you're ALREADY in the top 10!  With fewer than 10,000 votes (like your good friend Mandy Payne*).

In March of 2014, you were practically CHANNELING HARRIET KLAUSNER! (Click on the graph to enlarge it.)



Some BUSY, BUSY days:

  • November 17, 2013 53 reviews!
  • February 22, 2014, and March 10, 2014 24 reviews each!
  • December 1, 2013 22 reviews!
  • January 8, 2014, January 12, 2014, and March 11, 2014 21 reviews each!
  • March 16, 2014 20 reviews!

And then there are the VOTES!

You had  1963 reviews posted as of September 8, 2014.  Of those:

  • Only eleven had zero votes!
  • 1083 had "1 of 1" pozzie!  Freaking amazing!
  • Only 220 total negative votes!  Astounding!

How on earth do you do it?**

Oh, that's right.  You have help!  (Click to enlarge.)


Don't think there are supposed to be TWO PEOPLE writing reviews from the SAME ACCOUNT.  Guess that's why you deleted your comment, hmmm?  You can't HIDE THE EVIDENCE from Karma Police.  We are firm believers in screen shots, yes we are!

Comment was originally here:

http://www.amazon.com/review/R1Z1AF77837CH6/

Duplicate review was washed once (and probably will be again, that "2 of 8" it's currently showing might otherwise be a speed bump on your ROAD TO THE TOP!).

http://www.amazon.com/review/R1SFJ2YV6L6TA3/

Product links; look for "Dr. Oceanfront" among the reviews in case of future review "laundry."

NeuTab I7
Tagital T9

P.S. How HELPFUL is it for customers to write practically the SAME "review" for TWO DIFFERENT ITEMS?

P.P.S. Do the two of you have two separate Amazon accounts?  And if so, did you, perchance, get the BRIGHT IDEA to vote for "Dr. Oceanfront" with the other account?  You can sure rack up a lot of "1 of 1" pozzies that way!  Why, you should get together with the supplement shills.  You'd be UNSTOPPABLE!

P.P.S. With all that effort you're expending, you might consider going out and getting a JOB.  Then you could get paid in ACTUAL MONEY instead of free chargers, tablet cases, and various and sundry cheap Chinese imports.

P.P.P.S. Mac version of ARAT (xARAT) is particularly useful for Dr. Oceanfront, who figured out how to thwart the regular version of ARAT.  But we're a STEP AHEAD!

*Mandy's hijinks will be the subject of future posts in this series.  We've had our eyes (and our copy of ARAT) on her, too!

**Rhetorical question.  Ain't nobody legitimate posting that many reviews per day (every day).

Monday, September 8, 2014

Supplement Shills in the Top 10,000

Want to get into Amazon's Top 10,000?  Karma Police has got your recipe for success!


Step 1: Contact a sleazy supplement seller.  Lots of them are paying for reviews on Craigslist!  Or just type "Garcinia cambogia" into the Amazon search box (or "green coffee bean extract" or "raspberry ketones" or "branched chain amino acids" or the name of whatever snake oil is popular this week).


Step 2: Write a 2-line "review" of an unrelated product, preferably a health- or fitness-related product.  Be sure to include a link back to the supplement in your "review."


Step 3: Post a couple of other reviews.  You know, 'cause it will TOTALLY make your account look legit.  (Not.  But please, keep fooling yourself.)


Step 4: Repeat a couple of times.


Step 5: Watch the bot votes ROLL IN!  These folks did it and SO CAN YOU!
Step 6 (bonus): Want to make it to the top 1,000 (see "Arthur")?  Write reviews for half a dozen sets of patio furniture (that you didn't purchase) and a crap ton of Kindle freebies!

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Fraud Hattie Fake Reviews Month by Month

 
Jan
Feb
Mar
Apr
May
Jun
Jul
Aug
Sep
Oct
Nov
Dec
Total
Avg
1999
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
12
80
92
46
2000
58
96
61
124
72
90
100
111
133
123
128
107
1203
100
2001
133
216
74
111
123
160
136
119
89
143
88
75
1467
122
2002
97
47
170
86
110
126
124
145
154
106
117
113
1395
116
2003
160
162
146
174
160
174
180
147
172
181
250
155
2061
172
2004
117
162
236
173
133
190
173
127
244
327
157
100
2139
178
2005
96
126
185
168
210
221
176
164
218
190
173
165
2092
174
2006
147
202
230
215
248
167
220
207
253
191
218
236
2534
211
2007
129
204
233
212
195
210
212
206
209
347
86
212
2455
205
2008
131
249
215
211
208
214
202
249
234
192
227
148
2480
207
2009
256
215
272
196
288
202
203
274
243
307
215
176
2847
237
2010
228
214
202
314
219
210
282
151
231
294
188
193
2726
227
2011
184
229
204
306
168
219
219
289
230
210
215
163
2636
220
2012
214
203
219
195
214
189
215
215
198
229
117
72
2280
190
2013
101
91
87
99
120
106
93
93
92
117
84
62
1145
95
2014
71
89
105
71
82
89
69
82
 
 
 
 
658
82
Total
2122
2505
2639
2655
2550
2567
2604
2579
2700
2957
2275
2057
 
 
Avg
141
167
176
177
170
171
174
172
193
211
152
137